Dib Through the Mirror-- The Continuation
by Spectra
Summary: Continuing the story by Cartman's Girl which I've now adopted-A sequel to 'Dib in Wonderland.' Dib is pulled into the mirror by his reflection and encounters strange, new characters, not only from 'Invader Zim,' but the entire Jhonen Vasquez universe, plus some old, familiar faces. Will he be able to get back this time with his sanity intact? Some DibxGretchen later on.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Once upon a time, in a far away fandom, I wrote an 'Invader Zim' fanfic that was a parody of 'Alice in Wonderland,' starring Dib in the role of Alice. People seemed to like it. Then, someone who read that fic liked it enough to write the sequel, entitled, 'Dib Through The Mirror.' This person called herself Cartman's Girl, and this fic, though really awesome, was never finished by the author. It's been many, many years, and though I've lost touch and haven't been able to contact her, I always thought it was a terrible shame she never completed the story. So I can only get down on my knees and pray that Cartman's Girl, wherever she is, will not mind that I've taken up the challenge of finishing her way awesome fanfic and adopted it ^^

For my part, I actually wrote the continuation of this quite a long time ago, when it became apparent the fic wasn't going to continue, but only recently dug it up and decided to finish it. I also admit, while I kept the first story pretty close to the show as far as tone and being in character, I just said, "fuck it," and went nuts with this one. There's even some DibxGretchen implied later on. I didn't really care, I just wanted to do whatever the hell I wanted without really caring what anyone thought for once (although I DO hope people will get some enjoyment out of it). Other than that, I tried to keep everyone mostly in character. And since Cartman's Girl used characters not found in 'ZIM', but still within the Jhonen Vasquez universe, I've done the same. I only hope that I've done good by my old bud, Cartman's Girl, and that if she ever reads this, she'll approve. Really, she gets ALL the credit for inspiring me to write the second half of this, and I suggest strongly that you go read the first half that she wrote before reading this (it'll also be less confusing if you do).

Of course if you reeeeaaallllyyyy wanted to, you could give my original 'Dib in Wonderland' fic a look, too (pretty please?) I'm embarrassed now by all the technical and grammatical errors I made, but I did write it a LONG time ago, so please forgive. It's still a fun read if you like _Invader Zim_ or _Alice in Wonderland, _and especially if you like Dib. You don't _need_ to read it, however to follow this story, but it helps. Both fics are on this site, FYI.

Thanks, Cartman's Girl, wherever you may be, and I wish you the best ^_-

Now, the continuation of 'Dib Through the Mirror."

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><p><span>Cast of Characters you need to know (so far)-<span>

- The Red King….. Johnny (Nny) C.

- The White King… Steve Ressel

- The Cheshire Cat….. Jhonen Vasquez

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><p><strong>Chapter 5- Red Queens and Chickens and Demons, Oh My!<strong>

Dib was whipped around by the flurry of soldiers running past him, and he sat down hard on the ground, his eyes shut in an effort to block out the dizzy way his head felt. When he dared open them again, he found the soldiers were gone, and in their wake stood a tall, pale, too-skinny woman dressed all in red. Since she wore a crown over her slick, straight purple hair, Dib concluded that this was the Red Queen that Red King Nny had mentioned. She looked from side to side out of charcoal-lined eyes, not seeming to notice him. Frowning, she set her hands on her hips in a huff.

"Where ARE they?"

All at once her eyes flashed on Dib like flints of green ice. "You!" she said sharply. "Have you seen either of my messengers around here anywhere?"

"N-no, ma'am," Dib replied. "Just a bunch of soldiers running by."

"Tch!" The Red Queen rolled her eyes. "Those were the Red King's men. That idiot, always making a big deal out of nothing. Do you know _why_ they were running by just now?"

Dib shook his head.

"They were running out to get him a Cherry Slushie," she grumbled not bothering to hide her annoyance. Dib was wondering why the mention of a Cherry Slushie made him shudder all the sudden (and was it his imagination or did he hear laughter coming from the trees?), when the Queen startled him by saying, "Oh, I know what you're thinking, but it isn't so. We're not together. There might have been something had he not tried to kill me that one time, but oh well, you know? He just _happens_ to be the Red King, and I just _happen_ to be the Red Queen- oh, I'm the Red Queen, by the way, Queen Devi- but other than that we have no connection. In fact, I don't much care to socialize at all, if you must know the truth. But that's another story," she sighed, just the tiniest, microscopic-est bit sadly Dib noticed. "I _would_ be at home right now working on my paintings if not for some business I have to attend to…" She shaded her eyes with a gloved hand and squinted down a path. "Who do you see there, on the road?"

Dib stood up and , after a glance, said, "I don't see anybody."

"I didn't ask who you _didn't _see," the Queen said, seeming exaggeratedly exasperated (say that three times fast!) by this response. "Of course you don't see Anybody. There isn't Anybody on the road. Now tell me who you _do_ see?"

"U-um…" Dib scratched his head, thinking this must be some sort of trick question. "Nobody," he said finally, really having no idea what else to say that might satisfy the Queen.

"Really?" she replied, looking harder. "Well, you have better eyesight than I do, then. If you can see Nobody at _this_ distance, well…!" The Red Queen shrugged, and that seemed to be the end of it.

_Just another nonsensical bunch of…nonsense… to make my brain hurt, _Dib sighed inwardly, feeling just the slightest bit sad. He'd hoped, maybe, just _maybe_, he could have one conversation with someone in this world that made some sense; one person he could talk to and feel not-so out of place with. Clearly the Red Queen wasn't this person. She was just a little too off-kilter for Dib's comfort, although he was glad to see her mood had improved somewhat. He also knew it could rear back at the slightest provocation, so he reminded himself to try and remain as inoffensive as possible for the time being. Easier said than done, of course.

Suddenly, Dib had a bright idea- damned if he knew why he hadn't thought of it before as it seemed rather obvious. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a phone I could use? Or know where I can find one?" But the Queen was preoccupied with other matters.

"Ah! There he is," she said finally as a figure approached them.

An unwelcomely _familiar_ figure, Dib saw.

"Oh no…" the young boy groaned, feeling a sense of grim, hopeless de'ja'vu in the pit of his stomach. Coming towards them was a small, grungy brown monkey, a monkey Dib recognized. Once upon a time he'd encountered this monkey at a rather unpleasant tea-party, and though no longer sporting the goofy rabbit ears it had worn as the March Hare, it still looked just as deranged and bad-tempered as ever. The monkey must have recognized Dib as well; as soon as it spotted him it bared a mouthful of yellow teeth and rumbled a low growl. Dib, not caring, just folded his arms and glowered right back at it. "Oh, shut up."

"Where _have_ you been?" the Queen demanded. The monkey only looked up at her with his peculiar, bewildered eyes, his lower lip jutting out in an almost innocent way, though Dib knew better. "Oh never mind," she waved distractedly. "I feel faint. Give me Chinese!"

The monkey handed the Queen a paper bag from which she pulled a take out box of noodles and a pair of chopsticks. She dug into it eagerly, not speaking again till she'd eaten at least half. "So…" she trailed off to slurp some stray soy sauce from her mouth, "… Where's the other one with my egg rolls?"

The monkey grunted and pointed down the road in the opposite direction. A little ways in the distance another little figure materialized, becoming clearer as it came closer. Dib recognized this one, too.

"Oh come ON!" he cried. Yet, although exasperated and frustrated beyond all reason, was he _really _all that surprised? _Honestly? _No, he supposed not, but this fact didn't diminish his irritation in the least. Trotting happily along the path, seemingly without a care in the world, was Zim's robot, GIR, better known in this twisted dimension as The Mad Hatter.

"Why?" he repeated to himself. "Why, why, why?" As if in response, a low laughter sounded in Dib's ear. He whipped around and once again he could have sworn he saw a streak of purple and orange skirt his vision.

GIR came to a halt in front of the Red Queen and saluted, his eyes flashing red momentarily, then regaining their usual aqua color as he waved and chirruped pleasantly, "Hi there!"

Dib offered a half-hearted little wave while the Queen took the other take-out bag from the little robot. "What news do you bring me?" she asked between mouthfuls of egg roll. She offered one to Dib but he waved it off politely.

GIR looked about, as if he had a big secret to tell, then motioned them to come closer. Closer. Closer still. When Dib and the Red Queen were only centimeters away, GIR shouted out, "THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN!"

"NYAH!" Dib screamed. The startled Red Queen fell backwards. Growling in anger she whacked the robot on the head with her scepter. "Moron! Next time whisper it!"

"Oh, okay," GIR said atoningly, then cupped his hands around his mouth and screeched at at least five times the previous volume: "THEY'RE AT IT AGAAAAIIIIINNNNN!"

"That's better," the Queen nodded while Dib checked his ears to see if any blood was flowing from them.

Although not sure he wanted to know, he ventured to ask, "Um- who's at _what_ again?"

"Why the Chicken and Der Soul Stealer, of course!" exclaimed the Queen.

"The _WHAT!?" _Dib's jaw hung down incredulously, but before he could say more the Queen grabbed one of his hands and took off running. GIR trailed along, holding onto his other hand, while the scary monkey held onto GIR, completing the chain. "Waitaminute!" Dib protested. "I'm headed the _other_ way! Stop!" But he was ignored as usual and spirited away, no doubt to witness what he was sure would be another ridiculous scene by more ridiculous characters.

He was not disappointed. As they drew nearer to their destination, Dib could hear the sound of loud, energetic hooting and hollering. Soon they were at the edge of a large crowd made up of various talking animals and chess pieces. The Queen led him into the midst of this group of spectators, who were gathered round two dueling creatures of some kind.

"See! They's fightin!" GIR pointed like a little kid enjoying a particularly good school rumble at the two inhabitants occupying the center of the circle. Dib couldn't really make out what they were at first because there was so much dust stirred up in the air, but as it cleared he made one of them out to be a giant chicken. Well, sort of. It was more like a guy dressed in a chicken suit. The other was a huge, pale, lumbering sort of creature looking somewhat humanish, though Dib was sure this wasn't the case. He'd seen his share of demons over his years as a paranormalist and knew one when he saw one. The demon-thing had black hair, pointy ears, and red eyes, and was at the moment holding the chicken-costumed guy in a headlock, giving him a noogie. They both looked familiar, but Dib's poor over-taxed brain just couldn't place them. He noticed this was sort of a trend here.

"Please! Please, have mercy!" the chicken-man wailed, speaking with a pronounced Spanish accent, and the other demon or whatever-it-was dropped him on the ground and raised his fists in the air triumphantly.

"I AM MORTOS!" he proclaimed, jumping up and down, odd little squeaking noises emitting from his pants. "I win, I win, I win!" The peculiar monster-thing also spoke with some sort of accent in his voice, though I'll be damned if I could tell you exactly what kind. _A stupid one, _Dib would have said.

"What exactly are they fighting about?" Dib asked Red Queen Devi.

"They're fighting for the crown. See?" The Queen gestured as an official looking member of the crowd came up and placed a crown regally on the winning creature's head. Mortos clapped ecstatically, but Dib couldn't see what the big deal was; the so-called "crown" was nothing but a paper McMeaties birthday crown. _I suppose it might be something if he won a free meal at least_. Suddenly Dib felt hungry. It occurred to him he hadn't had anything to eat in all the time he'd been here, and now he wished he'd taken up the Queen's earlier hand out.

"Hmph! Fine, take eet! The Chicky Licky's crown ees better anyway!" the man in the chicken suit- ah hell, might as well reveal it already, everyone _knows_ it's supposed to be Chickenfoot- pouted.

"Chicken Man just jealous of Mortos." Mortos (Der Soul Stealer, as Dib knew him, though he didn't _know_ that he knew this) stuck out his tongue.

Chickenfoot's feathers (somehow, since it's only a costume) ruffled up. He turned away from his rival haughtily, then caught sight of Dib. The eyes peeking though the mouth of his chicken suit grew wide and he looked at the young boy as one would look at dog dookie on their shoe.

"What-ees- _that?"_" he pointed a feathered finger at poor Dib who suddenly found himself the center of some much unwanted attention as the crowd drew in around him. They seemed fascinated… _horrified_… by him, as if none of them had ever seen a kid in a trench coat with glasses and a scythe on his head before.

"Hey! What's wrong with you people? Back off!" Dib waved his arms and the crowd drew back with a collective gasp.

"It talks!" said someone.

"Amazing!" said someone else.

Another voice: "What kind of creature _is_ it?"

This was more than Dib could take. "Get a life," he mumbled, crossing his arms.

"Isn't it just neat-o?" said the Red Queen proudly, ignoring Dib's discomfort. "I think it's a… a…" The Queen leaned close to Dib. "I'm sorry, but exactly _what _is it you said you were?"

Dib felt pretty humiliated at this point, but he grudgingly answered. "I'm… a human. A little boy, I guess."

"Wrong!" exclaimed the Queen triumphantly. "You never said anything of the sort!"

Dib smacked his forehead.

"A human…" Chickenfoot marveled. "I deed not believe they exeested."

"Well, I never believed Chickenfoot existed," Dib retorted.

The guy in the chicken suit seemed to consider a moment. "Well then, seence we've seen each other, I'll believe in you eef you believe in me."

"But… I _don't_ believe in Chickenfoot," Dib said. "You're just a guy in a-" But no one was really listening to him anymore, least of all Chickenfoot; their attention was diverted to GIR who had appeared holding a huge cake over his head. There was a knife sticking out of it.

"CAAAAAKKKKEEEEE!" the little robot announced in a not-so-little voice, and everyone stampeded over to get their share. Dib _would_ have taken that moment to make his exit, but his stomach growled at the sight of the so, so nummy looking chocolate frosting-covered cake. He thought that one little piece would be worth staying just a little longer.

GIR suddenly thrust the cake into Dib's arms, knocking him off balance. "Hey!" Dib said, but GIR had taken off his hat and was busy pulling forks and plates out of it like a magician doing a trick.

Mortos, finally feeling he'd reveled enough in his glory, lumbered back over to join everyone. "Ooo! Cake!" he clapped, then looked at Dib, puzzled. "What that?"

"A human boy-ee!" Chickenfoot appeared at Dib's side, nearly knocking the cake out of his hands. "Eesn't eet heedious! Ees a terrible monster, like een a spoooooky story!" He made little eerie gestures with his feather-fingers, and Dib felt like smashing the stupid cake right over his head.

"I'm not a monster!" Dib snapped. "If anything, _he's_ a monster! Or a- a demon, or- something." He pointed at Mortos.

The Chicken-costumed man looked aghast. "W-What about me?" he asked in a ridiculously forlorn tone; he actually seemed offended by being excluded.

"What _about_ you?" Dib shrugged. "You're a guy in a chicken suit. You're not-"

"No! No, you lieeee!" Chickenfoot dropped to the dirt, limbs flailing wildly, screaming unintelligibly and crying like GIR throwing a tantrum. "Why do you taunt me? I _am_ a monster! A freak! Do you theenk I wanted thees fate? You theenk I _want _to be a horrible, grotesque cheeckeny… man-theeng!? Do you? Why do you mock me weeth such cruelty!? Wahhhh!"

Dib couldn't even speak, he was so beyond bafflusted (that's _baffled_ and _disgusted_) by this bizarre display. The others around him "tsk'd" disapprovingly.

"How could you say such a cruel thing! You're so mean!" said someone at random.

"But-But-!" Dib tried, "He _is_ a guy in a chicken suit! He's _not _a monster! I mean that's a _good_ thing, isn't it? Why-"

"Stop!" interrupted Mortos, patting the crestfallen Chickenfoot on the back. "Can't you see you've hurt feelings enough?"

"Hey! You two were just _fighting_ a minute ago!" Dib shouted, not even caring if he made sense anymore. It wasn't like anyone _else _did.

"There, there," Mortos continued to comfort his chickeny friend. "You _are_ freaky chicken monster. Big-head boy just mean."

Dib was so far beyond the point of fury that his very vision swam with rage. He shut his eyes and clenched his teeth till he was sure he'd either choke on his anger or his head would explode-he wasn't sure he cared which. Then, like an odometer rolling over, something in Dib's mind just laid down and he sighed instead. "Can we just have the stupid cake now?"

"Well we've been _waiting_ for you to pass it around," piped in the Red Queen impatiently. Rather than reply with a comeback, Dib, just wanting some food in his stomach, put the cake on the ground and pulled out the knife. He positioned it above the cake and was about to make a cut, when she interrupted. "What _are_ you doing?"

"Huh?"

"You don't cut the cake until _after_ it's served."

"What?" Dib shook his head; he was tired of all this nonsense, so ignoring the Queen he cut the cake down the middle anyway. The second the knife left the plate, however, the two pieces joined right back together again. Dib blinked in astonishment and tried again, and again the same thing happened. He tried over and over, growing terribly frustrated until finally he decided that the old axiom "If you can't beat them, join them," sounded like much less of a headache than going against the laws of this world. He stood up and walked from person to person, and he was surprised to find the cake divided itself up as he did.

"_Now _you can cut the cake," said the Red Queen after Dib had finished, but by then everyone was already eating their pieces, and Dib (much as he truly disliked these people) thought it wouldn't be very civil to go cutting up pieces of cake that were already inside peoples' bellies. Instead, he sat down and dug into his own ooey-gooey chocolate slab. It was the best thing he'd ever tasted as far as he was concerned, and he found himself thinking this was the first-and so far only-thing he'd really enjoyed about this place. Also he was relieved to discover that, unlike his previous experience in this freakish, parallel world, this cake did _not_ cause him to change size.

He was licking the last bits of frosting off his fork when out of nowhere a heavy BOOM rattled the peaceful air. Dib nearly jumped out of his skin, thinking it was the beginning of a huge thunderstorm (or maybe the Jabberwocky returning), but it quickly became clear that it was the banging of drums. Dib couldn't guess how many thousands there must have been judging by the deafening, all-encompassing, ear-bleeding sound of it. He held his hands over his ears trying desperately to muffle the awful clamor, and was at the same time surprised and not surprised to see that no one else seemed to notice any kind of noise at all.

"Whatever," he remarked to himself, barely able to hear his own voice, and started to run. He didn't care where to, just anywhere to get away from those horrible drums! He should have paid just a little more attention though, for his foot caught in a tree root and the next thing he knew he was tumbling down a hill. Lucky for Dib it was a short slope, and he landed softly enough in a flower bed.

Dib sat up, testing the air cautiously. He could no longer hear the drumming. He smiled, thinking perhaps things were improving finally, when something small and round hit him on the forehead. "Wha-?" Dib fished it off the ground and discovered it was some kind of seed. Obviously nothing too unusual, but what puzzled Dib was the _angle_ at which it had hit him.

He had just enough time to consider this when a whole _barrage_ of seeds hit him in the face. "Hey! What the-?" Of course they didn't hurt, but they startled Dib and some tried to get into his eyes. "Quit it!"

"Get off, you jerk!" a small but angry voice shouted close to the ground, and when Dib looked he was amazed (he was aware that, after all he'd seen, he shouldn't be amazed by much of anything anymore, so the fact that he was still amazed was, in itself, amazing) to see a flower- a rose to be precise- frowning and shaking a curled up leaf at him like a fist. Dib's mouth dropped open as he noticed the other flowers around him. All of them were alive; _Though, _technically, he thought, that scientific voice in his mind-his dad's influence most likely- which tended to correct him at the most inappropriate times speaking up, _flowers are _always_ alive, they just can't talk_. These could talk though, and judging by their looks they wouldn't have many nice things to say to him. There were all kinds- daisies, tiger-lilies, tulips, irises, a rose or two- all with angry faces, armed with an arsenal of seeds and pebbles. A few more tiny projectiles flew in his face, and again the rose cried, "Get off! Get off! You're killing him!"

"Nuh!" Dib leapt to his feet as if poked in the bottom and looked down at where he'd been sitting. A chorus of horrified gasps rose up around him and Dib looked down at a spot on the ground where a crumpled, beaten up looking daffodil was twitching and gasping for air.

"Oh… oh man…" the daffodil rasped. The rose bent over and put a hand (leaf?) on its head.

"Don't talk man, just relax. It'll be okay, I promise. You're gonna be alright."

"Everything's getting dark. I-" the daffodil coughed suddenly, its green stem of a body convulsing wildly.

"Shhh… shhh…" The rose patted his fallen friend's petals. "Just take it easy, now…" he said gently, then suddenly snapped his eyes at Dib, who meanwhile had been observing all this in horror-struck silence. It looked at him with a ferocious expression. "You…!" it snarled.

Not many things made Dib speechless, but now he found his voice had completely abandoned him. "I-I…"

"Just look what you did to Dill!"

"I-I'm so sorry…" Dib stammered. "I tripped and fell. I… I didn't mean…"

The flowers ignored his pleas. "Why don't you watch what you're doing?" a scowling iris demanded.

Dib felt ready to sink into the ground. "Really, it was just an accident. I-I feel terrible…" He bent down toward the broken daffodil. "Can… I get you some water, or something?"

"Naw, s'okay," the daffodil shook its head. "I forgive you. After all, it's clear you're not doing so hot yourself."

Dib lowered an eyebrow, questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Your color, it's all wrong," said the daffodil. "I mean just look at you. Your stem and petals are all black! And droopy. And your roots aren't even attached to the ground. No wonder you fell on me. I feel worse for _you, _man."

"Yeah, I guess you do have a point there, Dill," the rose added. "He's got no leaves, either, unless that thing on his head is one, but it's all black too. Sick, man." This was followed by a general nodding agreement from the other flowers.

"And how do you keep from falling over with that _head!?" _gasped a large sunflower. "I mean… man! I've kinda got a big head, too, but jeez! What is UP wit' dat!?"

Evidentially they were under the impression that Dib was also some kind of flower, albeit an extremely ill one. But, still feeling guilty and not wanting to start an argument, he said nothing to dissuade them and instead started moving away.

"I… Really should get going now," he stepped high and carefully, trying not to step on any of the flowers. "I _am_ sorry," he nodded sympathetically to the daffodil once more, and in a minute the flower bed was out of sight behind him.

Dib, feeling exhausted both mentally and physically, slumped against a tree. It seemed he couldn't do anything right in this place.

Suddenly, he slapped himself on the cheek. Then harder. Then when this didn't work he pinched himself a bunch of times, all the time shouting, "Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!" But he remained where he was, standing in the middle of the forest in this strange world which he may or may not have been dreaming. It took an awful lot to make Dib want to cry, so the fact that several tear drops were rolling down his face now spoke volumes of just how desperately he wanted to be back home. There was still hope, though; if he could hurry up and make it to the last square to become a king, he was sure somehow he'd be able to find a way. With a swipe of his sleeve Dib banished the remaining tears from his eyes and stood straight in his refusal to give up. He _would_ make it to the eighth square, he _would_ become a king, and he _would_ get home again. Yes! Because he… was… DIB!

"Okay! No more moping!" Dib said aloud. "I'm going to-" but here he was cut off as a huge, galloping horse burst through the trees in front of him. A flurry of leaves, a glint of metal in the sun, and Dib all the sudden found himself staring down the business end of a sharp lance.

"Check! You're my prisoner!"


	2. Chapter 6: Dib The White Knight

Warning: Implied DAGrR ahead! (The 'G' is for Gretchen NOT Gaz btw) If this horrifies you (though I honestly don't know why it would), turn back now. And for the record, I don't hate Tak (so all you Tak lovers just settle down, there), I just don't care for DATR. I just like the idea of Gretchen with Dib much better. Okay, on with the show!

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><p><strong>Chapter 6- Dib + The White Knight<strong>

Dib stared with terrified eyes at the rider sitting atop the tall, black horse. He couldn't tell who it was because they were covered head to toe in gleaming read armor- and in spite of his fear Dib couldn't help feeling a little impressed- but the voice sounded female. Also a touch British. Whoever it was, though, had a huge, sharp weapon pointed at him, so odds were this meant they didn't want to make friends. Dib tried to make a break for it, but was struck down with a whip of the lance. The Knight wore a helmet shaped like a horse's head, and the muffled voice inside it growled, "Do not resist! You're my prisoner. And now…" The tip of the lance lowered toward Dib's heart. "…Prepare to-!"

Another loud crash sounded behind him, and Dib whipped around to see yet another horse plow into the clearing. This horse was white, and the rider atop it was dressed in pure white armor identical to that of the other knight. "Not so fast!" came the voice behind the helmet.

"Get back! He's my prisoner!" shouted the Red Knight. Even with the helmet on her voice was shrill and grating.

"Not anymore. I'm here to rescue him!" the White Knight said. Also a female voice, Dib noticed.

"Then prepare to fight!" The Red Knight steered her horse around and raised her lance in combative position. The White Knight did the same and gestured to Dib to move to a safe place. Dib ducked behind a tree and watched awestruck as the two faced off.

With simultaneous battle cries, the two knights rushed at each other, the legs of their horses pumping furiously. Dib screamed at the sound of metal clashing on metal, not daring to look but too curious to keep from peering around the tree trunk just a little. Both knights had produced swords, and as they rode past one another their blades whooshed in dazzling arcs through the air, meeting with melodic clangs and clings. "People sure do love to fight here," he observed. "Especially with sharp instruments."

After what seemed like an endless struggle- though in reality it lasted less than a minute- the White Knight got the advantage, and with a snicker-snack of her sword sent the enemy knight spiraling off the black horse. "Yes!" Dib cheered.

With a metallic shuffle, the fallen knight in crimson armor rose, defeated but still attempting to look arrogant, and mounted her horse. "Fine, see if I care. You can have him." She turned disinterestedly and galloped off.

Dib came around from behind the tree and stood at the horse's side, grinning up at the White Knight with grateful admiration. "Wow, that was so amazing!"

"It was no big deal," said the White Knight, but by the tone in her voice Dib could tell she was very pleased by his compliment.

"Well, I certainly didn't want to be anyone's prisoner, anyway. Thanks for saving me."

"You're welcome. Now, help me off with this, will you?" She got down off the horse and put a hand on either side of her helmet, and Dib helped her lift it off. "That's better," she breathed, shaking out her berry colored pig-tails. "Thanks."

"Y-you're welcome," Dib replied. The gears in his mind began turning. Grinding. This girl… he was sure she looked familiar, and yet somehow he couldn't place where he might have seen her before. At skool, maybe? It was possible, but all the skool kids he knew were a bunch of mean, _horrible_ little demon children; this girl didn't seem to fit into that mold. Her smile- though covered in large metal braces as it was- was kind, and sincere. Dib felt a warmth from her that he honestly couldn't say he'd ever felt from any other human being before. It was as if she was actually… dare he think it… _nice?_ It seemed impossible, yes, especially after the string of crazies and downright jerks Dib had run into so far, not just in this world, but throughout his whole life. But maybe…

"Hello?" The girl waved a hand in front of Dib's eyes.

"Huh! Wha-?" He blinked out of his thoughts. "Sorry, what?"

The girl giggled- cutely, Dib thought. "I asked what you were doing way out here in the middle of the woods." She had a slight lisp to her voice- also kind of cute.

"Oh… Well, I was on my way to the eighth square, but well…" Dib looked at the ground, unable to understand why his cheeks felt so hot. "… I think I'm a little lost. See, if I make it there then I'll be a king, and then maybe I'll actually get some respect around here. Plus I want to go home, and right now it's the only thing I can think might help me accomplish that."

"Well, the eighth square isn't too far from here. I can take you there if you want," said the White Knight Girl.

"Really? That'd be great!" Dib exclaimed, then in a quieter voice, "But, I mean, I couldn't ask you to do that. You've already done enough for me, saving me and all."

The Knight Girl waved this off. "It's no problem. Let's go," she smiled, and Dib's heart skipped a beat. He shook his head, wondering why he was feeling so darn strange all the sudden. In a way, though, it was a… _good_… kind of strange. He didn't understand it, but it didn't matter. He helped the girl back onto her horse and the two of them started off down the road.

As they walked, Dib put a hand on the white horse's mane. "I like your horse," he said, looking into its face.

"He's cool isn't he," the pig-tailed girl smiled.

Dib nodded. "What's his name?"

"His name's Bitey," she replied.

"Oh." Dib hastily pulled his hand away. "Is that right?"

"What's _your_ name," the girl asked.

"I'm Dib."

"Hmm, Dib…" the girl seemed to consider. "I like that. Dib. It sounds kinda, I dunno… neat."

"Y-you… really?" Dib was almost speechless. No one had ever complimented him on anything- _Ever!- _let alone his name.

"And your hair is cool, too. And I like your jacket," she added. Dib looked at her with large, glistening brown eyes. In his whole life he could not recall even _one_ nice thing said to him by anyone- certainly not by anyone at skool, not any of his teachers, not even his family, really- and here this girl he'd barely met had already said three!

"I… Thanks," was all he could manage after taking a moment to reel from it all. "I like your hair, too. And your armor is really neat! I wish I had something like that to wear. Seems like I'm always getting pummeled by someone or something ever since I came to this place ."

"That's too bad," the girl said sympathetically.

Dib shrugged. "Yeah, but things will be different once I get to the eighth square. At least I hope so…" he added, never one to be too optimistic (not that you could blame him).

"Wow, you're really going to be a king?" the girl sighed dreamily. "I always wanted to be a queen, but I got stuck being a Knight. But I did get a neat-o horse to ride, at least." She petted Bitey on the head. "And I can spend more of my time inventing things."

"Inventing? Like what?" Dib asked, interested.

"Oh, mostly recipes. I thought up a new pudding one time. It was made of sawdust to start with-"

"I… don't know that it would taste that good," Dib ventured as politely as could be, truly not wanting to offend her.

"Not by itself, no," the Knight Girl went on eagerly, "but throw in some pencil shavings, some candle wax, a few spoonfuls of baby powder… Mmm. That particular pudding was never actually made, though. I _did_ manage to make a bologna flavored pudding one time."

"Uh-huh…that's, um… interesting…" Dib felt nauseated, but tried not to show it.

"Not too popular in restaurants I admit, but the stray cats out by the dumpsters seemed to like it."

"Stray dogs too, I'll bet," Dib murmured.

"This is something else I invented…" The White Knight fished around in a sack hanging round the horse's neck. A second later she held out her palm for Dib to see.

"There's nothing there."

"Look closer. See? Squint a little. There, you see it?"

Dib narrowed his eyes into slits as far as he could, leaning close to her open hand (now usually at about this point, whichever classmate's hand he happened to be looking into would pop up and smack him in the face while the kid ran away pointing and laughing, but with this girl it never even crossed his mind), and now he _did_ see something, no bigger than the period at the end of this sentence. He took out a magnifying glass- he always kept one handy in his coat pocket- and through it he saw what looked like a liiiiitle, itty-bitty, teeny-tiny cage-like thing. "What is that?"

"A germ trap!" The girl tilted her head back and pointed just above her upper lip. "You put it right here and it catches any invading foreign bodies that try to get in your nose. It has to be really small, though." Suddenly she looked over her shoulder, as if making sure they were completely alone, and leaned close to Dib's ear. "… It also keeps out _other_ kinds of invaders…" she whispered mysteriously. "Like the little _green_ kind."

"What? You mean, like… aliens?" Dib inquired, amazed. "You mean… you _believe_ in _aliens!_?"

"You may think I'm crazy," the girl spoke in a serious tone, "but I swear one tried to fly in through my nose once. It wanted to do… something… to my braaaaiiiinnnn." She wiggled her fingers all spooky-like. "Laugh at me if you want to, but…"

"No! That happened to me too!" Dib practically shouted. And in a moment the two of them were deep in conversation, each relating all their experiences with the paranormal, and as it turned out this girl had quite a few stories of her own to divulge, almost as many as Dib. And later, looking back, this was the part of his adventures that Dib always remembered best, just the two of them (three if you count the horse) walking side by side and talking, sharing stories with one another. He told her about the time he'd seen Bigfoot in his garage ("My dad still blames me for sanding all the paint off the car," Dib told her), and she told him about a fairy she'd found one time that had flown into a bug zapper (a bit crispy, it was). He told her about how he and Zim had once piloted cherried-out planets as battleships, attempting to thwart the alien's plot to destroy all life on earth. She told him about the hippopotamus ghost which haunted her attic (only on Thursdays, though), and about how she'd once seen an actual mermaid vampire sucking the blood out of a dead fish (ewww, I'm getting gross now). He told her about all his travels to otherworldly dimensions- the one inside his own head at Halloween, and the one to which he'd only recently followed a certain White Rabbit one lovely, spring morning, plus everything he'd been through so far today. The girl listened patiently, willingly, seemingly captivated by his stories. Dib was thrilled to finally have someone actually listen to him, and more importantly, actually _believe_ what he was saying.

"Oh! And you know something else…" the braces-wearing girl said. "That Red Knight? She's an alien too! I _know_ she is. She came to my skool one time, and I _knew_ she was one the second she walked in. But she distracted all the kids by giving them free wieners. She thought she had everyone fooled. I didn't say anything cause I couldn't prove it, but man, I knew. I _knew_…! And someday I WILL prove it!"

"Maaaannnn…" Dib whistled in that wonderful Dib-ish way of his. "And even knowing she's that dangerous, you still rescued me from her? Man, you're the coolest person I ever-" he broke off and looked down at the ground, his cheeks turning as red as Zim's eyes. "Well, you're just pretty cool is what I mean." He went on, still looking at his feet, which had become immensely fascinating all the sudden, "I never met anyone who was, well… just a nice, decent person before. Well, one time I _thought_ maybe I had, but they were just faking being my friend to get information out of me. And Mr. Dwicky, he was a total jerk. Keef? Well, let's just say he's a little too 'bouncy' for my tastes- plus he always wants me and _Zim_ to be friends," Dib added with a shudder. "I know most people don't believe in aliens, but- well, _I_ never believed there were actual nice people out there, y' know?"

The girl stared open-mouthed for a second or two, then cast her eyes down and smiled shyly. "I think you're nice, too. You don't make fun of my braces. Or the way my voice sounds." She giggled, her laughter coming out in big hitching bursts of the diaphragm with a snort thrown in here and there; She'd have sounded totally dorky to any other person, but Dib just loved hearing her laugh. He was about to say something else, when all at once the White Knight Girl's horse came to a halt. The path had ended and they stood at the foot of a bridge spanning a small stream. All at once the little berry-haired girl's smile slumped like an old bean-bag chair. "Oh, I guess we're here."

"Huh?" Dib looked confused for a second, then he remembered his destination. "Oh, that's the eighth square?"

The girl nodded. "Just go right over that bridge and you'll be a king."

"Great!" Dib bounded happily over to the bridge, but hesitated when his new friend didn't join him. "Come on!" he called.

"I can't. This is the end of my move," she sighed.

Dib looked at her disbelievingly. "But… you… you really can't come with me any further?"

The girl shook her head. "Sorry, those are the rules of the game. A knight can only move so many spaces and then…" She shrugged. "That's all."

Dib looked as if someone had just killed his puppy. He looked from the bridge to the girl and back to the bridge again, his mind doing a tug-of-war. If he didn't' go forward he wouldn't become a king, and if he couldn't become a figure wielding _some_ sort of power in this place he was sure he'd never get out. He _wanted_ to go home again, more than anything, but … _Now I have to leave the one nice person I've ever met, _he thought sadly. _I really like her and now I have to leave her behind. My first real friend, probably the only friend I'll ever have in _either _world…_

Dib's eyes met those of the brace-toothed girl, the unhappiness printed on both their faces like matching tattoos. Then, the girl flashed a metallic smile at him and climbed down off her horse. She pushed him gently towards the bridge. "Go on," she said. "It's okay. We'll see each other again, I'm sure. Go on, and become a king so you can find your way home. Who else is gonna save that world of yours from that evil 'Zim' guy you mentioned?" Dib, in spite of things, laughed at that last remark. He still wanted to tell her no, but grudgingly he nodded, knowing he had to go forward.

"Thanks for everything," he said. "And… I'm… really glad I got to meet you."

The girl glomped Dib till he could barely breathe and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You too."

"Will you be alright going back by yourself?"

The girl winked at him and mussed his hair. "Don't you worry your little head about it."

"L-L-_L__ittle _head_?" _Dib's eyes practically sparkled. As if he'd needed yet _another_ reason to like her before, but now…! Man! She was practically an _angel_ in his book now!

The White Knight went over to her horse, but before getting on she reached into the bag again and pulled something out of it. She handed it to Dib. "Here you go. To, you know… remember me by. And incase you get hungry."

Dib stared down at the heart-shaped slab of meat she'd given him, genuinely touched. A strange gift, yes, but a sweet one nonetheless. "Thanks."

The White Knight jumped up on her horse, turned, and gave one final wave. "Bye, Dib!" she hollered.

"Bye, um- um… Hey wait! I didn't get your name!" Dib shouted in a panicy voice.

"It's Gre-" she called back, but the last syllable died away on the breeze as the horse disappeared back into the woods, and Dib was left alone once more.

"Darn it, I'm so stupid, I forgot to ask her name," Dib complained to himself, but he was smiling. He was still feeling pretty great about now. And the eighth square was only steps away! Finally! He'd be a king and then he could go home whenever he wanted! Bursting with joy (something Dib rarely did) he dashed across the tiny bridge and collapsed on his back in the soft grass on the other side. After a few seconds he sat up with a start. "What the-?" He put his hands up to the object he suddenly felt sitting on top of his head. Freaking out, he pulled it off and lowered it to eye level, only to discover that what he'd been wearing on his head was a large, gold crown.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong> Well, I hope you all liked that bit. I kinda just did whatever the heck I felt like with this chapter cause, well, it's my thing and I like DxG and I wanted to and… yeah. Sorry if you don't like romance (it's actually more 'friendship' in my opinion), but that's about as bad as it's going to get in this story, so keep calm and read on!


	3. Chapter 7: It's Good to Be the King

**Chapter 7- It's Good to Be the King**

"Sweet!" Dib grinned. He admired the crown, turning it slowly and letting it glint in the sunlight. "This is great. I never expected to be crowned a king _this_ fast." And, oh, how _different _things were going to be from now on, he thought, feeling just the slightest bit wicked, but feeling he'd earned his moment of triumph. "Oh yes… things are going to be _very_ different now." He chuckled like a super-villain in a comic book and climbed to his feet. A long red cape, he now saw, was also draped over his shoulders. "Not bad." Dib raised an eyebrow in approval. He took his scepter (also new) and smacked it against his palm a few times, trying out the feel of it. Finding it quite satisfying he stood straight and tall and looked from side to side, waiting for… waiting for… Uhhhhhhhh…

"Hey, what _am_ I waiting for?" Dib wondered aloud. He looked around some more, lowering his brow impatiently. "When does the rest of this 'king' stuff kick in?" Then, suddenly, something whacked Dib on the bum. "Nyah!" he cried out in surprise rather than any real pain and landed on the ground in an ungraceful arc. "Hey!" He climbed to his knees and snapped his head around. "Who-?" his words died in midair as he found himself face to face with none other than the Red King. On his other side Dib was hardly surprised to see the White King had also appeared.

Red King Nny offered Dib a friendly wave. "Hey there, little man!" Dib did not return his sentiments, however.

"Why did you just kick me?"

"Well, you _asked_ when the rest of this "king stuff" kicked in. I, being a king, can safely assume I'm more likely than not made of "king stuff," so I "kicked in"-"In" in this case, being "_in _the butt." Now _what,_ I ask you, in my logic, is flawed, hmmmmm?" Red King Nny brought his face down dangerously close to Dib's, his eyes glinting. Dib, picking up an odd, coppery scent on the King's clothing, said nothing more.

"Soooooo….." The Red King breathed in as he stood back up. "You've finally made it here, I see. Congratulations," he said polishing a rather long knife with a rag, studying it with an intensity that made Dib extremely uneasy. "Although you're not _quite_ a king, still… not yet. You need to go through the proper examinations, plus a few lessons first. We'll start the lesson off with a series of questions- oh, say five at first- then four, then three, and so on."

Dib coked an inquisitive eyebrow. "Why less each time?"

"Because," Red King Nny poked Dib in the forehead, "that's why they're called 'lessons.' They "lessen" as you go. Wake up in there." He tapped his finger on Dib's skull a few times. "Sleep makes you weak, un-alert! Makes your mind smooshy like a Twinkie! Now-…!" The King dragged an increasingly terrified Dib over to a fallen tree and plunked him down. White King Steve was already sitting there, having slipped in silently and unnoticed. Red King Nny sat down on Dib's other side, sandwiching the poor boy between the two of them. "Let's begin with some math problems, shall we?" Dib kept quiet, so the King began: "If you… SLICE-" here King Nny thrust his knife forward and upward, causing poor Dib to about wet himself, "-up a cheerleader, and then another one, then two, and then five, and then a whole bus full (all the while he spoke the King waved the knife around, carving up the air around him with a deranged sort of glee- Dib didn't even want to _think_ what he must've been imagining), and then one _more_ cheerleader… how many cheerleaders are there?"

Dib, praying he'd live through this little quiz and knowing whatever answer he gave would probably be wrong, tried to talk it out. "Well… let's see, one and one and two and five… first you'd have nine, um… I don't actually know how many would be on a bus, um… let's say ten, maybe?" he looked to the King who only shrugged as if to say 'why not.' "Okay, so that's nineteen, plus the one, so you'd have twenty cheerleaders," Dib finished.

"WRONG!" Red King Nny shouted.

_Oh, imagine _that, Dib thought.

"You would have NO cheerleaders, of course! Clearly you can't do subtraction at all."

"But… that was addition."

"Are you insane?" (_Am_ I _insane!?_ thought Dib indignantly) You can't _kill _all the cheerleaders and end up with _more! _Oh… my…!" The very concept of this idea seemed to horrify the Red King. He shuddered.

"But that isn't what you asked me," Dib explained, and though his better judgment told him it would be wise not to argue with this man on any subject, he just couldn't help himself. "I'm really getting sick of all these trick questions. And, if you think about it, isn't that more of a _grammar_ question than a math one?"

Red King Nny actually looked startled by this reply. "You know… that's actually a good point." A pause, then he began to laugh at a disturbingly insane pitch till he was nearly out of breath. "I love this kid!" He slapped White King Steve on the back and patted Dib on top of the head. Dib allowed a tiny flicker of relief to spark in his mind. "…Of course people _always_ hurt the ones they love," the King just _had_ to tack on, and that killed any comfort Dib might have acquired.

"All right, next question-"

"Um, can I interrupt here" Dib asked timidly. "Look, I don't really care about becoming a real king or answering all these questions. I really just want to go home is all. So, please, _can_ I go now?"

Red King Nny sighed as if this boy were beyond help. "Let's try division. You divide a rabbit in half, what do you get?" Dib was getting rather disturbed by the grisly nature of the King's inquiries. The King answered for him, "You get a floating bunny head that talks to you. At least that's what _I_ got. Most other people, probably not so much."

"Riiiiigggghhhhttt…" Dib leaned on his knee. What in the world did you say to something like that?

Just then the two of them heard snoring and saw that White King Steve had fallen asleep. "Aww," Red King Nny cooed. "Poor little Stevey-weevey, he's tired. The White King let out a deep sigh and before Dib knew what was happening the King was crashing over on top of him like a downed redwood tree. "Wah!" Dib managed to squeak before his lungs were crushed by the King's generous girth. "Ah… *mmph* Hey…!" His arms flailed wildly as the poor boy tried to struggle his way out from under the sleeping giant. "Aw, isn't that just so kyooooooot…" Red King Nny patted his fellow king on the head and stood up. "Well, that's my cue to go, then. I don't sleep myself. And anyway I have to get some last minute preparations for the party in order."

"What party?" asked Dib who'd managed to pull himself up enough to speak again.

"_That_, my friend, is a surprise." The King winked. Dib found this somehow more disturbing than anything so far. With a wave, he turned and vanished from sight, not really leaving, but more like blinking out of existence.

Dib let out his breath in a long forlorn sigh. He felt so tired on every level. He thought of his dad and Gaz, and wondered (hoped) that they missed him, even just a little. Things hadn't worked out like he'd planned, but no matter what he'd find a way back to them. Even Gaz had her moments of not-so-horrible-awfulness once in a while and in spite of everything he _did_ miss his family. And his room. And his computer.

The White King still snored away in his lap, rhythmically, peacefully, and suddenly Dib felt his own head nodding forward. The King was warm, like a big heavy pillow, and as Dib closed his eyes he listened to the King's breathing, thinking it almost had a melodic quality to it. He could almost hear music, low, coming from far away. Dib felt a lightness pass over him, and at first he thought he'd stepped over the edge of sleep and started dreaming, but he opened his eyes and realized he felt light because the King's head was no longer in his lap, or anywhere else that Dib could see for that matter. In fact _Dib _wasn't even there, or at least not where he had been. He found himself now standing before a pair of large doors in front of a palace. He wasn't at all surprised by the change of scenery, which seemed to flow like water here, but he was in awe of the huge, incredible looking palace, and to his further delight, printed over the top of the doors were the words 'KING DIB' in big gold letters.

"Saaaayyyy… This is more like it!" Dib went to knock on the door, when who should open it but Zim. _Oh great_, Dib thought. _Talk about a buzz kill_. He also saw much to his dismay that, as in the first instance he'd encountered the alien in this alternate world, Zim was once again dressed like a bunny rabbit. What was _really_ unusual, however, was the fact that Zim seemed glad to see him.

"Welcome, King Dib! How delighted we are to see you!" Zim bowed, not one iota of sarcasm in his voice. "Please," he stepped aside and held the door open, "come inside! You're expected!" He beamed a smile in which there wasn't any hint of mocking whatsoever.

If Dib hadn't already had his fill of shock that day he may just have fallen over dead, right then and there. Still, this was, without a doubt THE most shocking, un-dreamable thing he'd seen so far. He was suspicious, naturally- a decent Zim? Come on- but after scanning for insincerity in his enemy's demeanor he, for all the world, could not detect any. "Wow, this is _REALLY_ more like it!" A wide grin lit up his face and Dib stepped through the doors into a large banquet hall, in the center of which was a long table with chairs running down both sides, piled high with a heavenly assortment of every kind of food imaginable. "I-I really _must_ be dreaming," Dib breathed. Of course it was all too possible that he was merely in the middle of another computer simulated fantasy scenario such as the one Zim created the time he threw the muffin at his head, but who really cared. This was… perfect. _And besides, I haven't thrown any muffins at Zim recently, so why would he try that again?_

There were plenty of guests milling around the table, some of which Dib recognized- The Tweedle Brothers, Red Queen Devi, little Squee who waved to him, Old Mouse and his friends, GIR and the Monkey- as well as some new faces. The Red Queen was chatting with the White Queen whom Dib hadn't had the pleasure of meeting; a dark-skinned girl with tangles of wild black hair, squeaking a small black-and-white skeletal toy-looking thing every now and then. In addition, there were people/things he recognized from his previous stay here: Gaz, playing the Queen of Hearts once more, with her accompaniment of cards for one. Ms. Bitters mutated into a Caterpillar for another. He was disappointed, however to see that the one person he'd hoped to see, the White Knight girl, was not there.

It was like one of those scenes at the end of some epic movie where the entire cast comes together again for one final chaotic scene, and right away this should have sent Dib's spider-sense (so to speak) tingling, but everyone's attitude was… he struggled for the right word… agreeable? No, more like _pleasant. _Dib didn't think he'd _ever_ used that word to describe the company of his normally sour acquaintances, but now it felt like he was stepping into the midst of a group of old friends. Everyone smiled and waved to him as he came in, and a band off to the side (whom IZ fans would recognize and members of the Resisty, but since Dib had never seen them was only a band) was playing a lilting tune.

"_To the Looking Glass world it was Dib that said_

'_I've a scepter in hand and a crown on my head. _

_Let the looking glass creatures, whatever they be_

_Come dine with the Red King, the White King, _

_And me!'"_

The crowd members echoed back:

"_Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,_

_And sprinkle the table with muffins of bran;_

_Put cats in the coffee and moose in the tea-_

_And welcome King Dibby, with thirty-times-three!"_

He couldn't say he was fond of that "Dibby' part, but otherwise Dib was simply elated. To his great surprise, he found himself joining in, just as naturally as a character in a musical.

"'_O looking-glass creatures," King Dib did say,_

"_Though most of you've driven me crazy to-day,_

_Still, let's get together, have snacks and tea_

_With the Red King, the White King, and meeeee!'"_

_Hey, I'm not half-bad! _Dib thought as the chorus came again:-

"_Then fill up the plates with tacos and meat_

_And anything else that is tasty to eat;_

_We'll sip on Poop soda, mix wool with the wine-_

_And welcome King Dibby-_

"It's not Dibby," Dib interrupted.

_"-With ninety-times-nine!"_

"Oh well, that was really neat anyway," Dib remarked, applauding. Now this is what a parallel dream world _should_ be like.

"Hello," The Red King Nny appeared at Dib's side. "Surprise!" he gestured grandly to the set-up. "You like?"

"Actually, I _do_." Dib couldn't help smiling.

"I'm quite glad to hear you say that." King Nny tucked the knife he'd been fingering back into his pocket. "Quite glad. Now you have to make a speech and welcome your guests. It would be bad manners not to."

All the guests were gathered round the table and Dib stood up at the head of it and raised a glass. "Um, ladies and gentlemen and, um… miscellaneous," he said quietly. "I, uh-" Dib looked around, suddenly feeling uncertain. He was used to "ranting" in front of large groups, yes, but "_speaking_?" It was kind of a new experience and Dib felt uncharacteristically nervous looking at all the faces of people that actually _wanted_ to listen to what he had to say. "I just wanted to… welcome you all and, uh… well um… enjoy, everyone!" A heavy moment of silence in which Dib could hear his heart pounding, then an explosion of applause filled the room. "Whew." Dib slumped into a chair.

Red King Nny sat on one side of him, White King Steve on the other. The White King, mostly quiet till now, stood up and clapped. "All hail Dib, King of Wonderland!" This was met with cheers and clapping from everyone.

"Wonderland?" Dib repeated and lowered an eyebrow thoughtfully. "Huh. So _that's_ what this place is called. You know, it's funny, I never even thought to ask till now. Wonderland. Hm."

"'Kay! Let's dig in!" called out the Red King and pulled out one of his many, many sharp knives. A plate of ham was set down before them and Red King Nny was about to slice into it when he suddenly thought better of it and said to Dib, "Oh how silly of me- Allow me to introduce you. Dib, Ham. Ham, Dib."

"Hey," the ham said. Dib wasn't sure whether to be appalled or frightened. "_That is… _very_ freaky_."

"Hmph, well that's rude!" snipped the ham and Dib felt a sinking in his stomach, realizing he must have said that out loud.

"O-oops, sorry," he apologized.

"Freaky _indeed_," grumbled the ham. "You want to talk about freaky, just look at the size of that head of yours"

Dib blinked. "Umm… You're a _talking HAM_. I think you've got me beat in the freaky department."

"Less talky more eatey!" Red King Nny lashed forward suddenly and plunged the knife into the ham. The ham screamed and tried to roll away, but the King had had plenty of experience in these sorts of matters, and really it had no chance. Dib couldn't help feeling a little sorry for it- not to mention revolted, especially when the King set a slice down in front of him. He looked at it, feeling the bile wanting to nip the back of his throat but managed to keep it down.

"Now I'll never be able to eat ham again. Or any pork product for that matter."

"Something wrong?" Red King Nny turned to Dib. "You're not touching your food."

Dib shook his head. "No, nothing. I just figure it's kind of impolite to eat someone you've just been introduced to."

The Red King stared blankly for a second, then burst out laughing. "Ha! You're funny! I swear you crack me up, little man!" and he went back to handing out the plates.

Despite that last unpleasant (and frankly, pretty darn _gross_) incident, Dib didn't think it worth ruining his good mood. He sipped on a glass of soda, thankful that at least _one_ thing in this place couldn't talk.

"Enjoying the party?"

Dib immediately spit out his mouthful of soda at the sound of the voice. However he realized quickly that it hadn't come from his glass, but over his head. He looked up. His jaw dropped, and he sat gaping at the voice's owner when he discovered who it was.

"It's… _you!_"

"Indeedy." The Cheshire Cat sat perched on top of Dib's chair, looking the same as the last time Dib had seen him. Purple hair, glasses, stripes, and that ever-present smile. He was also once again slurping away on one of his beloved Cherry Brain-freezies. Dib felt that weird sense of de'ja vu all over again.

"Well, this is a surprise," said the cat. "I never thought you'd come back _here. _You didn't seem to enjoy it much last time. And so soon, too!"

"I didn't have much choice in the matter," Dib replied, flashing back to earlier. It seemed so long ago now. _Now that I think of it, I wonder, whatever _did _happen to that 'mirror' me?_

"Well, you may not agree, but for what it's worth I _am_ glad you're back," the Cheshire Cat grinned. "Things here have been boring without you."

"You know," Dib began, "I _wouldn't _have agreed with you… not at first… but now, things seem to be shaping up."

"I noticed," said the cat, sliding a finger along Dib's crown. "Pretty slick." A pause, and then: "That's why I really, _really_, _REALLY_ hate to be the one to tell you this."

Dib froze, his cup half-way to his lips. "Tell me… what?" he ventured, feeling a sickening sense of dread all of the sudden. Immediately the voice in his head rattled, _Please, please… whatever it is I don't wanna know, please! Everything was going so nicely for a change, please don't tell me! _

The cat, sensing Dib's distress, opened his eyes wide. "Oh! Oh, man, no, no…!" He waved his paws apologetically. "I just was going to tell you there's no more cheese dip." The cat held up an empty jar.

"O-oh." Dib let out a shaky, pent-up breath, chuckling out of unabashed relief.

The cat pointed casually. "…And well, there's also that."

"Huh?" Dib followed with his eyes to the large window at the front of the room. What was that dark cloud, there? And why was it rushing towards-

The window burst in, sending shards of glass flying everywhere and raining down on the heads of the crowd. Screams filled the air. People fell over their chairs and ran into each other in a panic. The sound of flapping wings and a grating of claws told Dib all he needed to know.

"_No! It's the Jabberwockey!_"

The Cheshire Cat stuck the Slurpy straw back in his mouth and cocked a curious eyebrow. "Is that a problem?"


	4. Chapter 8: There's No Place Like Home

**Chapter 8: There's No Place Like Home **(It's almost over, I swear)

Frantic, Dib tried to run and tripped over his chair. He groaned and climbed to his knees when suddenly the hairs on the back of his neck began to prickle and a foaming string of saliva landed on the floor beside him. Not daring to look, Dib simply sprang forward and started to run with all his might, but the sound of beating wings was following close behind him. He pushed his way through the crowd of shouting, panicked people and creatures, knowing instinctively that the monster wouldn't pay a bit of attention to any of them but only continue to pursue him. Still, the thick sea of bodies was enough of an obstacle for the over-sized beast so that Dib could manage to duck into a foyer and save himself for now. He didn't stop there, though, and continued on, trying to put as much distance between himself and the Jabberwocky as possible.

The foyer led into a long, twisty hallway. Dib followed it until, too late, he realized it was a dead end. A low, blood-freezing growl behind him told him that this was the end. He closed his eyes and braced himself for the inevitable as the Jabberwocky advanced on him.

"Hey! Ugly!" a voice cried out. The Jabberwocky halted and looked up. Dib gazed past the form of the towering beast and his eyes lit up at the sight of the White Knight. She stood there, waving one of those weird, heart-shaped slabs of meat over her head. "Here!" She hurled it down the hallway. The Jabberwocky went after it, and as soon as the monster was distracted, she grabbed Dib's arm and pulled him with her as she ran past it. The Jabberwocky started after them, but the Knight Girl threw some more meat slabs in its path. While it was busy chomping on those, she and Dib managed to slip away to safety, at least for the time being.

"You okay?" she asked him, still panting a little.

"Yeah, fine," Dib answered. "Actually I'm pretty used to this sort of thing. Seems like wherever I end up something's always trying to kill me." He paused when he saw the girl's concerned expression. "Really, though, I'm okay. That is… thanks to you I'm okay." He surprised her by wrapping her in a tight hug. The White Knight Girl giggled in that dorky-but-cute way she had.

"Well, you know, it's a knight's job to protect the king and all," she fumbled, blushing and trying not to smile, though she was clearly quite pleased.

"Well, becoming a king didn't do me much good," Dib sighed. "I'm still stuck here. And now that _thing's_ chasing me again. I have to get home, or it's _never_ going to stop."

"Don't worry," said the Knight Girl, with a determined look. "As long as you're here, I won't let anyth-…"

Without warning the wall behind them came crashing down, nearly crushing the two beneath two tons of stone rubble. The Jabberwocky, ever thirsty for Dib's blood, slithered through the opening, rearing up and baring its teeth. The Knight pulled a sword from a sheath around her waist and wielded it in the direction of the beast. "Dib! Run!" she screamed.

"No way!" Dib screamed back. "I'm not leaving you here alone to fight that thing!"

The Jabberwocky swiped a clawed talon at Dib, but the Knight blocked it with her sword. "It's after _you!"_" she exclaimed._ "_It won't hurt _me_. Believe me, just run!" The monster tried for Dib again, and it was true, it almost seemed to ignore the knight holding it at bay. "Go on, get out of here!" The Jabberwocky's claws flew toward Dib again, but the Knight Girl jumped in their path, actually using her big, steel braces to block them.

Hesitantly, Dib turned and ran. He wasn't abandoning his friend, however; he was going off to try and find a weapon of some sort. He was defenseless and he knew he needed something to fight with or he'd only be putting her in more danger. However, seeing its prey dash off, the Jabberwocky forced its way past the Knight Girl, knocking her to the floor. She landed with a pained cry, her armor clanging loudly. She tried to get up, but her braces had gotten caught in the rug. Wouldn't you just know it.

"Dib, run!" she tried to shout, though it came out pretty indecipherable and muffled. That was okay, Dib was running. _Boy_ was he running. _Where is that stupid Red King Nny with all those knives when you need him?_ he thought. He was rounding a corner when what should appear but the Cheshire Cat's floating head, hovering along beside him as he ran.

Speaking loudly between panting breaths, Dib said, "Okay, I've had enough of this place. You can wake me up now!"

"Hmm?" the cat feigned confusion.

"You know, wake me up! Like last time!" Just then a massive forearm slammed down close behind him and Dib screamed. "Hurry! Come on!" But the cat only grinned.

"Sorry, I really wish I could, but I can't."

WHUMP the sound came again and Dib sped up. "Why not!?"

"Because…" the cat smiled. "You're not asleep."

"Huh!? What do you mean I'm not-" another thud from the Jabberwocky who was gaining fast. "Nyah!" Dib screamed. "What do you mean? Of course I'm asleep! This is just another crazy dream! It _has_ to be! All I had to do last time to escape was wake up."

"Well, you _are_ right about that," the cat agreed. "This is a dream. However… this time it's not _your _dream."

"What?" Dib shouted. "What do you mean by that?"

"What I mean is someone else is dreaming this place up. Last time you could wake up because you were the one doing the dreaming, but now you're only taking part in someone _else's_ dream."

"Wha-" Dib tried hard to soak this all up. "But, whose?"

"_Mine."_

Dib screeched to a halt and whipped around to face the owner of this new voice. His eyes grew wide as he found them staring into those of his exact double.

"_Me?" _Dib gasped. "No, wait… I mean it's me from before. The one from the mirror! You pulled me in here!" he said accusingly.

His disheveled mirror image only shrugged. Just then Dib noticed that the Jabberwocky was no longer chasing him; in fact it seemed to have disappeared at the sound of his mirror image's voice. Seeming to read Dib's mind, his mirror image grinned evilly.

"That's right, Dude, you got me. I was the one controlling that thing. Just trying to have a little fun, ya know?"

Dib, clenching his fists, stepped slowly toward his double. "You're the one who's dreaming all this? But… how? I mean _I'm_ the real Dib, so I would have to be the one dreaming _you_."

Mirror Dib smirked knowingly. "You are. Well, actually that is to say you _were_." He paused just long enough to note the bewildered expression on Dib's face. "You dreamed me, yes, but now someone else is dreaming _both_ of us. You began the dream, but you're not the one dreaming _now_."

"Huh?" Dib sensed an enormous headache on the way.

"The original dream was yours, and you dreamed of me," his evil doppelganger went on. "You dreamed that I pulled you through the mirror to this side…"

"Right…"

"So if the real you was passed out on the couch dreaming all that, then the one who came through the mirror was the _dream_-you."

"Okay…" Dib followed so far… sort of.

"But in the mirror world, everything is reversed. Opposite. So when the dream-you came through to this side, it became the _waking_-you, and the dream-you was left in the _real _world, asleep. THAT is who is dreaming of me. I'm, in a sense, your dream-self's dream-self. And you… you're just kind of left over, wandering around in here."

At this point Dib's head exploded. No, no, not really, but he was AWFULLY befuddled by all this.

"Think of it like astral call-waiting," his mirror-self tried to explain. "Say you called a friend…"

"Ha! Shows how much you know- I don't _have_ any friends!" Dib said triumphantly, then paused. "Wait…"

"Just… stick with me here," said his reflection pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now say you're on the line with your friend when he gets another call. He switches lines on you, but gets really into the other conversation and never switches back. So there you are, on the third line waiting and waiting, still connected but unable to converse with the other two. So you hang up your end, but the other two would _still _go on talking, and even though you originally _started_ the call, someone _else_ now has the distinction of ending it. You may have hung up the phone, Dib, but all circuits are still busy and like it or not the _call_ _itself- _the dream_- _is not over."

"Okay…" Dib said, not entirely comprehending this convoluted and horribly confuzzling explanation, but still sort of grasping the gist. "But I CAN end it. I can wake YOU up and this all ends."

"You could…" his reflection examined his nails, unconcernedly. "Except, perhaps for the possibility I might not _want_ to wake up." He gestured to a close-by mirror on the wall. "And since I'm the one who's linked to _him_, you don't have much say in the matter." Dib looked in the mirror and saw his other self asleep in his house. "And in fact, in a sense, I already _am _awake," his reflection went on. "I'm aware I'm dreaming, and yet here I remain, so I don't even know if I _could_ end the dream, even if I wanted to."

After his mirror-self had finished, Dib stood there quietly for a long moment, the gears in his head turning. _So basically, I'm just part of someone else's dream… even though that someone is just another me. _Man, _this is insane. It's like, I don't know, that movie _Inception _or something. I'm trapped in someone else's made-up world, a dream within a dream_

Well, he may not have been Leonardo Di Caprio, but he could still figure this out_. _

A dark idea began to form in Dib's head. There _was_ a way to end this, although he didn't really want to go through with it. Then again, desperate times and all…

"Uh, hello? Earth to me?" The mirror Dib waved a hand in front of Dib's eyes. But Dib looked right past him, focusing on the large, stained-glass window behind them. He swallowed hard, knowing what he had to do, and knowing that it wouldn't be pleasant. He wasn't even completely sure it would work at _all_, but whatever happened, he'd had it with these twisted nightmare-worlds. _Anything_ had to be better than being trapped forever. _Although_, he thought with a touch of regret, _it _was_ kind of nice there toward the end_.

"Hey!" His dark twin tried once again to get his attention. Dib only looked at him, his brown eyes steely and set in resolve.

"You know those dreams you have, sometimes, where you're falling?" Dib inquired in a distant tone. "And then, right before you hit the ground…?"

"What are you talking abo-" Before he could react, the mirror Dib was slammed backwards as the real Dib rammed into him. With a scream and a crash, they were both sent hurtling through the glass window.

"Yaaahh! What are you doing, you moron!?" screeched the mirror Dib, clawing at his double even as they tumbled through the air.

"Waking you up!" Dib shouted. The two of them struggled in mid-air as they plummeted to the earth, spinning around, grappling, each trying to stay on top of the other. The drop seemed impossibly long, much longer than any fall from a building should have been, no matter how tall.

"You idiot! You're gonna kill us both!" his reflection yelled.

"Not if you hit the ground first!"

The mirror Dib smirked. "Oh, I see. You think if I die, then you'll wake up? All nice and cozy back in your house, just like that? Happily ever after? Ha!" he spat. "You have no idea what'll happen! You might end up getting killed too."

"Yeah, maybe," was all Dib said.

The ground was rushing closer. Whatever happened, it was going to happen in the next few seconds.

Dib thought back on everything he'd been put through- all this _jerk_-self of his had put him through- and he smiled morbidly. "But despite all the madness you dreamed up, I at least have _one_ thing to thank you for…"

"What's that?" his double growled.

Dib pulled out from his coat the heart-shaped slab of meat the Knight Girl had given him. Holding it close, he closed his eyes.

Then everything went black.

* * *

><p>"Nyah!" Dib sat up with a start, sending chess pieces flying off the board in all directions. He shook his head, still reeling from the fall. As his vision began to clear, his living room slowly came into focus. <em>I'm… alive! I'm okay! <em>His breathing slowing, he leaped up and ran to the mirror.

His normal, Dib-like reflection looked back at him. Dib touched the mirror and found that it was once more solid, normal glass. He let out a pent up breath of relief, but this didn't mean he was going to be stupid and simply dismiss what had just happened as a regular old nightmare. He knew better than that..

Just then, Dib's reflection grinned widely at him. Dib's heart sank in fear, but he relaxed a little when he saw the Cheshire Cat's face form around it. But just a _little_.

"Nice. Very nice." the cat smiled, clapping his paws together. "You managed to get out. Good thinking, back there."

Dib didn't want to admit it, but he actually thought he'd acted kind of insane jumping out the window like that. He'd just been so _desperate_. And was it really over? _Really? _He'd thought so the first time, but, oh, how wrong he'd been. The thought of going through something like this again, ending up in yet another twisted nightmare world…

Dib just couldn't take it. Wasn't it _enough_ that he had to defend the Earth against extraterrestrial evil every single day of his life? Did he really need this added stress?

"Don't worry." The cat startled Dib out of his thoughts, seeming to read his mind, and Dib really had very little doubt this enigmatic cat _could _read his mind if it wanted to. In fact he was suddenly almost certain that the cat was really the mastermind behind everything that had happened to him. He wasn't sure _how_ he knew this, but he'd have bet his entire collection of haunted gummy bears on it. "I don't think you'll be coming back here again. At least not for awhile, anyway." The cat reached through the mirror and patted Dib on the head somewhat patronizingly. "I know, I know, I wish I could promise you it's forever, but nothing's ever for certain. I mean you never know when things'll get boring again. I can tell you though that you've definitely earned a break."

Given how things usually worked out for Dib, he supposed this was the best answer he could have hoped for. "Great," he said, offering a weak, tried smile.

"Here." The Cheshire Cat tossed Dib a bundled up t-shirt. "A little souvenir."

Dib unrolled the shirt. It said: Got lost in Wonderland, and all I got was this lousy shirt.

"Um, thanks," he replied.

"Oh and just one more thing…"

Dib braced himself.

"Someone wants to say goodbye."

Behind the Cheshire Cat, the little White Knight Girl leaned into view, a big, silvery smile on her face. Dib's own mouth widened into a big smile upon seeing her. He put a hand up to the glass, and she did the same, their fingertips touching. Then the purple-pig-tailed girl giggled and backed away, giving him a little wave. "Bye, Dib! I'll see ya!"

Dib waved back. "See ya." He smiled, hoping this was true.

"Okay," said the cat, reappearing, "You know what you have to do now."

Dib nodded and went over to the front door. Gaz usually kept a baseball bat nearby to keep away the Girly Rangers during cookie season. Coming back, he raised it over his head, then he brought it down hard, smashing the mirror into a million glittering pieces.

He slumped his shoulders, sighing. _It was over_. _Finally! _Now he could get back to his good ol' _regular_ life! His regular life filled with evil aliens, insane robots, demon sisters, mad-scientist fathers, hideous skool-children, frightening teachers, the various ghosts and nasty paranormal creatures that popped up from time to time…

"Geez, maybe I _should_ have stayed there," Dib grumbled. "Oh well."

Dib tossed the bat back by the front door. He was about to flop down on the couch and enjoy a much-earned rest, but before he could, he noticed a loud rumbling outside. It sounded like a freight train bearing down on his house. Puzzled, he dashed to the window and looked out just in time to see a monstrous black funnel cloud heading toward him.

"Tornado!" he screamed, just before a blast of wind sent the window flying in. Dib tried to run, but a lamp caught up by the force of the storm nailed him square in the back of the head, and he went down like a ton of bricks.

* * *

><p>All was quiet when Dib came to. "Unnhh…" He held his aching head. "What gives? Was I <em>really<em> just hit by a tornado? What the heck would a _tornado_ be doing in the middle of the city, anyway?" Picking himself up, he stumbled to the front door and looked out at his neighborhood to survey the damage the sudden freak storm had caused. What he saw on the other side of the door, however, was certainly _not_ the familiar sight of his street; Instead Dib found himself in the middle of a bright, green landscape filled with emerald-colored trees and millions upon millions of flowers. A road made of bright yellow brick stretched off into the distance, and near a group of tiny houses, a bunch of short, little men and women dressed in outlandish, over-the-top outfits stood gawking at him and whispering. A tall woman in a pouffy, pink princess gown complete with crown stepped out of their midst.

She pointed a star-shaped wand at Dib and addressed him in a high, tittery voice. "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"

Dib sighed for the millionth time that day. "Here we go…" he mumbled, rolling his eyes.

**The End **(Though for Dib it's never _truly_ the end. Mwahaha!)

* * *

><p>Okay, so if you made it this far, then thanks so much for reading! Sorry about some of that confusing 'dream' stuff there near the end. I tried to explain my reasoning behind it as best I could, but it still came out sounding pretty convoluted. Still, hope that didn't ruin the rest of the story for you. I hope you enjoyed it, as I very much enjoyed diving back down the 'ZIM' rabbit hole with Dib and everyone else ^_^ And for the DibxGretchen supporters out there (and even if you're not) I hope you liked that aspect of the story. Also, the thing at the end there was just for comedic effect, but if you <em>are <em>curious about Dib's adventures in Oz, there is an _excellent_ fanfic on here titled _'The Wizard of Ak' _by _Nadine. _It's not a direct continuation of this fic, and I have absolutely nothing to do with it, but I still highly recommend it if you love a good parody.

And once more, thanks to Cartman's Girl, my old friend, for coming up with this story.


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